


Diane from HR has some questions

by Tea_is_Not_Them



Series: Mainecoon Grey (Catboy Jon) [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Archives is Creepy, Catboy Jon, Everyone thinks archives crew is creepy asf, Gen, Humor, Monster Archives (Sorta), Spiders, They think Jon's a furry, What the hell is wrong with archives?, office gossip, outsider pov, the magnus archives is an office comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29492415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tea_is_Not_Them/pseuds/Tea_is_Not_Them
Summary: “At least he’s not got a staring problem, and makes good tea, I swear if I have to take down budgeting papers to Sims again because laptops refuse to work down there I’ll end someone’s entire life. Hundred yard stare! It's like he's annoyed at us for even being in his presence.” Rory complain, twisting their hair in their fingers, “Imagine! He’s so creepy.”“I’d say Tim was the normal one but I have never heard a man joke so much about murder, I think he’s serious sometimes. he once told me the scars on his arms were from setting clowns on fire.” Diane said, stabbing at her salad with the plastic fork that came with it, not feeling much up to eating.----Office Gossip
Series: Mainecoon Grey (Catboy Jon) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101290
Comments: 14
Kudos: 65





	Diane from HR has some questions

**Author's Note:**

> I have a habit of writing Outsider POV's for things I enjoy, because Meta is HILARIOUS. IMAGINE HOW WEIRD THESE PEOPLE SEEM TO OUTSIDERS?

Diane from HR had not been nosy! She kept herself to her own devices, thank you very much. If anyone was nosy it was Rosie, and she kind of had the right when she took over the place after Elias Bouchard disappeared, honestly Diane wondered how many people would go “missing” from this place. Not her business, even if she was a little bit curious. At least the boss doesn’t give those weird as fuck interviews anymore.

  
  


She hummed, going about her day, working through her things and then going to the breakroom. The breakroom was nice though, had a window to see outside, even if no one was bustling since lunch had long passed. Still she was making her coffee and stood by the window as the pot heated up. When she blinked she saw the Archives car pull up. 

  
  


They must have been out doing whatever it was that they do. Diane was not going to question them after the last time when Tim had told her and she quotes, “Oh no big deal we killed a guy.” 

  
  


To which he was elbowed by Sasha, and she told Diane, “He’s kidding.”

  
  


“Just minor arson.” Tim continued, and Martin had started laughing. “Stole cat food-”

"Hid a body-" Sasha joined in now, finding it amusing.

"Let the cat's in a shelter free." Martin said now, and Jon shouldered the man.

  
  


Yeah, she didn’t want any of what they were having. She wondered just how many drugs they were on, while stirring sugar into her coffee and blanching at the fact Robert stole the last of her hazelnut creamer.  _ Asshole _ . While looking out the window, she saw that they got out, where Martin held a few cups of drinks, must have taken lunch late then? She didn’t understand why Rosie let them do whatever but who was she to run the place, it was like herding cats with that lot. 

  
  


The Head Archivist got out, and then the wind picked up, taking his hat with it. Diane watched in confusion when he had cat ears on his head. Sasha snatched the hat quickly out of the air and shoved it back on Jon’s head. Said man put a hand up and looked around as if he had been caught with a gun. 

  
  


Ah he’s a furry. Diane wasn’t going to laugh. She wasn’t! Ok maybe she was laughing a little, and Daniel from research came in to see what she was snorting about. 

  
  


“What has gotten into you?” He asked with a raised brow, his arms crossed goodheartedly. 

  
  


“Nothing! Nothing, just saw something funny on Facebook.” She didn’t have her phone out but Daniel nodded, then looked out the window. 

  
  


“Ah I see, wonder what they did today.” Daniel said, and then made his best Tim impression, “We tore out someone’s eyes today and then go coffee, normal Tuesday.”

  
  


Diane snorted, “Perfect impression. Also I think the head archivist is a furry.”

  
  


“Wait a minute- What! Spill!” Daniel looked astounded, and after hearing Diane's story said, “I don’t believe you.”

  
  


\------------

  
  


Office gossip was a hell of a thing, Diane thought as she sat in on the accounting districts lunch break with Amanda, “-And you won’t believe how much money Elias used to spend on those weirdos downstairs, I swear Rosie is the only thing keeping this place afloat!”

  
  


“Woah wait, how much did he spend?” Diane leaned back into the conversation, and Eric groaned in unison. He had probably heard Amanda nagging for the past year, or even many years seeing as they had both worked there together since Bouchard became head. 

  
  


“He literally spent so much money, they had a budget for explosives! And he got his money from a sugar daddy I'm calling it.” She said glaring at the wall as if Jonah Magnus himself could see what a mess that Bouchard made of his stupid academia institute, “Imagine! What use did any of these people have for explosives, I swear the Archives is a front from something. Like, a crime ring or something.”

  
  


“Yeah but that would make Martin Blackwood a mafia lackey and he doesn’t have the guts for it. Have you seen the man? Wouldn't even squash a bug.” Merida from the Library interrupted the conversation, taking her mug of midday tea in hand.

  
  


Diane scoffed, crossing her arms, “Are we talking about the same Martin? That man is so hiding something. He's always got this thing where he laughs at the murder jokes, and then pretends nothing ever happened to the archives.”

  
  


“At least he’s not got a staring problem, and makes good tea, I swear if I have to take down budgeting papers to Sims again because laptops refuse to work down there I’ll end someone’s entire life. Hundred yard stare! It's like he's annoyed at us for even being in his presence.” Rory complain, twisting their hair in their fingers, “Imagine! He’s so creepy.”

  
  


"To be fair he's always been like that, but now he's got more serial killer vibes than just a stuck up oxford prick. Swear on my life he killed Elias. I'm calling it."

“Ok but you guys are just ignoring Sasha, that woman has serious privacy issues.” Eric said, “She literally told me my lease was going to end, and that my dog had gotten out one day. Freaky.”

  
  


“I’d say Tim was the normal one but I have never heard a man joke so much about murder, I think he’s serious sometimes. he once told me the scars on his arms were from setting clowns on fire.” Diane said, stabbing at her salad with the plastic fork that came with it, not feeling much up to eating. 

  
  


“Anyway, circling back, I still don’t understand why you guys are scared of Blackwood isn’t he the biggest teddy bear? Like. I get he's kinda got this knowing look, probably can't lie to him, but I worked with him for a while and he's a sweetheart.” Merida said, sitting down to join the conversation, everyone needed a break from work sometimes, and gossip was the easiest thing to get started up in the Magnus Institute.

  
  


Eric raised a brow, “Merida have you seen him haul those three around? Mans got some super strength I swear. Also I think he's sweet on the head archivist, so maybe he gets to be a Mafia Wife situation.”

  
  


“'Mafia Wife,' what are you smoking Eric I want some. Also being strong doesn’t mean he's evil Eric, just because you're a twig-”

  
  


“Oh fuck off!”

  
  


\----------

  
  


Diane was the unlucky one who drew the short straw, meaning she would have to come down and tell the archives staff that they can’t keep ignoring the dress code no matter how lax Elias used to be, even if Rosie didn’t care. No one wanted to see Tim’s unbuttoned shirts all the time, even if he was hot.

  
  


She got down there, and then immediately felt watched, hunted. God she hated it down here this basement was so creepy, but at least it was organized now, a cart full of new statements, ready to be read and organized stood by the bottom of the stairs. She huffed, going to talk to Tim in particular, because the call button down there got jacked up enough that you just had to go downstairs to grab anyone. 

  
  


When she spotted Sasha James, she immediately wanted to leave, the woman was muttering something about a spider problem, typing away in her laptop, smacking the keyboard whenever it glitched, and Diane swears she see’s eyes in the black screen, before shaking her head. Then she took a deep breath, and Sasha’s head snapped over to look at her. Oh fuck this!

  
  


“Do you know where Stoker is?” She asks, keeping her wits about herself, she would not be like her kids with the bogeyman. Maybe she should use some of her coworkers as a tall tale to keep her kids from lying. They’d make good spooky stories. 

  
  


Sasha blinked, and then Diane felt less watched, “Yeah, sorry but he and Martin are out on follow-up work.” She did look a bit bitter, though Diane can understand that sentiment, research was supposed to do follow-up, but sometimes they just dropped a case and sent it down. 

  
  


“Oh well…”

  
  


“Did you know that the dress code has changed?” Sasha says, and Diane wonders how the hell Sasha knew that’s what Diane was here about. 

  
  


She cleared her throat, “Oh, no. I’ll look at that…”

  
  


“Sasha, Tim said he and Martin had taken care of the ah ‘wasp’ infestation, and Martin said to stop squishing spiders.” Jon’s voice came through like a megaphone. Diane jumped at the random voice. 

  
  


“That was so meant for you more than me, Archivist.” Sasha said, and the name felt both playful and like a weird title, what the hell was up with the archives. 

  
  


“He knew you were muttering about it, he said he’d keep them out of my office. You know how intent he is on getting us to like tarantuals enough to keep one as a pet.” He said this with distaste, and Diane realized that, of course now it was obvious, they all lived together. That’s so strange…

  
  


“We have a visitor Jon.” Sasha said, and Jon turned to look at Diane, a brow raised, and she swears there’s something other than a man in the room, before she tried to rationalize it. 

  
  


Jon hummed, tugging his hat down slightly, “I knew.”

  
  


What in the fuck. Diane was tired of this cryptic nonsense, he knew bullshit. No ma'am she was not dealing with it. Weirdos!

  
  


“I’ll get out of your hair, the issue has been resolved.” She said, not even bothering with pleasantries, before walking up the stairs. 

  
  


“You knew, sounded creepy.” She heard Sasha laughing this to Jon. 

  
  


“It’s my archives, of course I know there are outsiders.” He said huffily, before Diane closed the door behind her. It's 'his' archives, sounded so pretentious my god. 

  
  


She has so many questions, and none of them would be answered. 

  
  



End file.
